Our Demons within…

 

We must stand together

 
This world is getting tough. It is difficult to survive and as I have recently been on 4 different continents in the space of 4 months, I have noticed the struggle. 

As I sit here writing, a group of school kids pass me. There are many of them and their excitement is to roll down the big hill and get covered in grass; the sound of the laughter and the excitement in their voices echo through the trees. As I watch, it is difficult not to smile. Why, as we get older do we stop doing that and find silly ways to stay happy? Why do we become so serious and “boring” in a way? We suffer from depression because we are too stuck in our own minds, analysing every little thing and relying on social media to make us happy, it is all so wrong! 

Ask yourselves one question… Who is to say what can and can’t be done? What is classified as “normal” and “accepted”? Why are we so afraid of change? Who is to say that 2 same gender individuals, can’t be together and have a family? If they are happy and minding their own business, why can’t they be accepted? They are still human, are they not?

A young girl will sit and think, be too afraid to be who she really is because she likes a girl and people may not accept her, her family and friends may go against her. Due to this, she will end up being so unhappy that she could just think of suicide! Is that fair? I think no…. Who is to say it is “BAD” only because some closed minded person will think about it, say something and people are like sheep, they will just follow without having their own opinions. It is hurtful and unnecessary, there are bigger problems!

I personally applaud America, Ireland and recently France, who joined New Zealand, Belgium, Spain and Canada who legalised equality. That is a big difference made in our generation, a monumental milestone! I often wonder, do young people drink and smoke, forming addictions to cover up these unnecessary problems? They drink to numb the hurt and have amnesia; they smoke cigarettes to form barriers around their hearts so that they can stop feeling stress and pain. It’s a runaway as children bully each other, they smoke marijuana to feel the happiness they always want to feel, to leave this cruel world and be in another time or place, anywhere apart from the present and current situation. This is their only escape. Sadly, some take it too far and end their lives, is that really what “life” has become now?!

The Present vs. My Past

  
As I have flashbacks; a smell will trigger a memory, I cry for my hometown. I have come to realise that I took all those 5 years of high school for granted, they were what I will call now the “good” days. That was my home where all my life experiences and memories were made. I wish I didn’t have to leave. I have come to a 1st world country and I see all the beauty that locals have become blind to. The excitement and thrill of catching a ferry to an island, the silence of a green clean cut park where all I can hear are the birds talking, and the faint noises in the distance. The chance to sit here alone or walk alone, treat your dog to an afternoon walk, knowing that you will be safe. All the little necessities that I couldn’t have as a kid. However, I could take my motorbike through the bush and ride my worries away, I can’t do that here.

I hear people complaining over the most minor things and wonder how tough has their life actually been? How blessed are they, do they even realise? Have they every experienced having no food in the shops like in 2008? People migrating to neighbouring countries in order to find food for their children, locals queuing for miles to collect bags of food that are given away, only to reach the front of the line and realise the last bag was just given away. The disappointment and struggle was so hard to bear. Sadly, many people complain about the weather, but if I am honest, if all they can complain about is something completely out of their control, then they better count their blessings.

In my hometown, everyone was friendly, racism caused a lot of violence, but thankfully most of my memories were fun! I would get angry about the driving and waiting in queues for hours but those are the little things I have to giggle about now. I could go 120km/hr down a road to school, experience the thrill of speed and now people only go 40 miles on most roads, I know it was dangerous but it fed my desires. Those long evenings with no electricity, I used to read to my family or act and sing for them, those were incredible memories that I would live again in a heart beat. The sound of generators became like the sound of crickets, the local species all around the neighbourhood.

As I would lye in my brothers’ room, too scared to sleep alone, there would be big thunderstorms, lightening and the sound of rain on the rooftops, our power would go off and we would just lay there. The windows breathing in the smell of the African rains, a smell one can never erase. The smell of freshly cut lawn and the “choo choo choo…. rrrrrrr” of the sprinkler rotating and feeding the grass that is yearning for moisture, the waterfall trickling into the pool, I feel tranquility. The sight of an African sunrise, only so beautiful and red because of the amount of dust in the atmosphere, nothing beats that!

I used to lye by the pool and hear the whistles, calling and hooting of the commuter drivers, alongside them the vendors trying to sell phone data; the cry of an average local trying to make a days worth of work. The big explosion and vibrations as people would blast rock in the nearby fields to create space for new houses. The most terrifying sound of the night jar, a bird the size of a human palm, chirping outside my window in the big African mahogany tree.

I will never forget the sound of my gate bell as we had visitors, the sound of my gate opening, followed by the excitement in my dogs voice as my mum or family member would arrive home. Everyday at 4 o’clock, I could never take a nap as I would be sure to be woken up as a dog passed our gate, my dog would go say hello, everyday without fail! I used to get so annoyed but I would embrace it now. The contact with my little dog when I was crying, she knew all about it. I miss her, I love her, I mourn for my hometown…

The world is YOUR oyster. Don’t destroy it…

  
Sitting here, again in the park, I observe the children passing by. The innocent mind of a child in a pram and the little energetic boy riding his bike to the top of the hill, has the biggest smile on his face. That was his accomplishment, he climbed that big hill today. What is my daily accomplishment? Am I just absent-mindedly walking through life? Do I have a purpose?

I see the other little boy at the back struggling to push his bike up the hill. Truth is some will get ahead in life quicker than others, some may leave you behind; you will get frustrated and angry with yourself including all that is around you, like that little boy shouting at his bike as he struggles to get through the gate. His family has left him behind but he keeps walking, that is reality. People will start to get on with their own lives, you have to focus on you; pick yourself up and carry on doing what you need to do in order to survive. 

That is my downfall; I feel weak and lost at the moment, like there is no one around cheering me on. However, I am not that dependant baby anymore, I got to get myself to that finish line, get that trophy. People will still not acknowledge you, perhaps out of jealousy, you just have to pat yourself on the back and reward yourself for the good hard work YOU have done!

A little rabbit sits to my right, nibbling the grass. A sudden noise startles him and he dices back into the hedge. Small things will scare you, you just have to believe in yourself and not retreat. Show the world who you are! I suppose the fear of the “unknown” is intimidating but nothing can break you, it can only teach you. Take each day as it comes and take it all as a life lesson for everyday you are changing and growing. However, how can one grow when sitting in their comfort zone, imprisoned by others’ comments, thoughts and opinions? You have to step out of the box, do what you have never done, do something you never thought you could do. There is one rule; have no regrets. Trust yourself and listen to your heart, your head will follow and support you; so will the right people…

The sound of an aeroplane always startles me. I often wonder where that plane is going; how are the people on that plane feeling?  Are they nervous first flyers, sad leaving their family or home, happy as they are off on a new vacation, excited perhaps to start a new chapter? I have that opportunity to get on a plane and pursue a start of a career, but thinking is holding me back. Things will always pull you back, you have to realise how minor they are and how strong your push factor is. Such as, why are you going? Why aren’t you going?

You, individually, have to realise one day you will have a family and be dedicated to them; be old and great opportunities will be harder to come across. You have to make memories, create experiences that money can’t buy, have stories to tell your children before they go to bed; so that one day you don’t have to dictate to your children how to live their lives, simply live yours and let them watch. For we all know that actions speak louder than words. Show them not to be afraid of fear, but to grab every challenge with both hands and soldier on!