Oh, Silent Night

“Hello. Can you hear me?” I call into the dark night
I feel alone and scared as the bushes rustle,
and the trees bustle from midnight breezes
as they shake with energy, I can feel my breath quickening.

When I look up in the sky, I see stars twinkling 4.3 light years away.
Some would say that is high, but when it comes to love and loss
distance means nothing.
Ever look up at the sky and think it is like a blanket with little peep holes, for your loved ones to watch through whilst you sleep?
There are only a few holes where the light shines through tonight.

“Hello?” I whisper, but still no reply.
I sigh. I continue walking with no direction as to where I am going.
Every step, every metre slowly calms my emotions.
I realise the hardest hill to overcome when you lose someone
Is you will get days where life hits you from every angle;
You can’t think, process or speak,
it is merely a question of survival.

I try convince myself he is watching me, sitting on a chair sipping an ice cold beer.
For he would have been forty-nine today, still so young.
I stumble upon a bench and sit with my beer, my vision blurry as a tear spills into my eye,
raising it high up to the sky.
In that second as I take my first sip, it is like we are celebrating together again.
Like a golden heart didn’t stop beating four years ago.
As though I didnt lose a close friend.

Oh, Silent Night…
Don’t let this grief consume me.